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When it rains, it pours. Or so the saying goes. I got a call this morning from the specialty vet. They had Hazel’s biopsy re-read. Turns out that she does have a low grade malignant tumor after all and the recommended treatment is to remove the ear canal. I’m taking her to the office before work tomorrow for the surgery. Hopefully, it will clear up this issue for her once and for all.

I was speaking to one friend about how I got dumped. She suggested that I probably shouldn’t have told the guy about my HPV since there’s really no test to detect it in men so for the most part, they’re unaware that they carry the virus. So it wouldn’t have made a difference. I vehemently disagreed. For awhile after I was diagnosed, I was in denial and mainly ignored it, wishing it would go away. But check ups too numerous to mention where I kept testing positive  for it made it harder to ignore. Besides, I eventually realized that I was reacting to this unpleasantness in the way I had been taught to by my family of origin, whereby we ignored things and buried our heads in the sand to the point where stuff sometimes festered and blew up, which magnified issues into things way worse than they could have been if they’d been dealt with in more proactive manner. So within the last couple of years, I’ve decided to deal with it. By not telling potential partners and having sex anyway, it’s highly likely that those partners could pass the virus on to other unsuspecting women and I don’t wish other women to experience the kind of hell I’m going through. Also, I don’t want someone to feel forced to stay. I’d rather they made a conscious decision to do so.   

After thinking about it for a bit, I think I may need to get over my aversion to online dating and consider it when I feel up to it. I’d tried it in the past and it didn’t appeal to me as it was too ephermeral. Another issue I have with online dating is that I find it’s easier to play fast and loose online because you don’t hear people’s voices or see their expressions. When you are trying to impress potential dates, it’s very easy to exaggerate things about yourself to try to get attention. It’s common knowledge that people tend to lie about their age, weight (women in particular), height (men in particular), even marital status online. Also, it’s not unusual for people to put up profile pictures from 10 years and 50 pounds ago online too. However, meeting men in the flesh doesn’t mean that some of them won’t lie either.
 
There is at least one online dating site that I’m aware of that is for people with HPV/herpes. There may be more than one, but I haven’t looked into it. I don’t like the fact that it limits the amount of men I’d be able to meet, but I figure if I keep dating men that don’t have STD’s, I’ll keep facing rejection over the issue and I can’t take that. I don’t want to keep feeling that the HPV makes me unworthy as a human being and that I’m being thought of as damaged goods. I feel ashamed enough as it is. It doesn’t always help me to know that it a common condition and that many people are exposed to it, because I still feel kind of isolated with it. It’s not something that people usually bring up in conversation. A number of people still have no knowledge about it, which is another obstacle I have in dealing with it. It would help me tremendously if I could talk to someone else with it face to face so that it wouldn’t feel so isolating, but it is what it is. I’ll feel honored if I can help someone else through this medium, though.
 
Here are a couple of links about HPV in the event you want to learn more about it:
http://www.cdc.gov/std/hpv/stdfact-hpv.htm
 
http://www.webmd.com/sexual-conditions/hpv-genital-warts/default.htm
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