After

My feelings in song:

Actually, only the Sade one is appropos to my situation. The other two were thrown in for GP. I’m a huge Sade fan from way back and the song, “Cherry Pie” is from her first album. The bass line in this song is amazing (a lot of her songs have amazing bass lines, actually). Here are the lyrics to it, as I’m sure a lot of people have never heard of it. No need for me to post lyrics for the other two songs, y’all know them.

Got to find out what I meant to you
You’re the one who broke my heart
Got to find out what I meant to you
You’re the one who broke my heart
When I met you boy
You were as sweet as cherry pie
That smile in your eye
You were as wild as friday night

I should have known
However hard you tried
Change would come and strangle it
It was bound to die

You were sweet as cherry pie
Wild as friday night
Sweet as cherry pie
Wild as Friday night

Gotta find out what I meant to you
Your the one who broke my heart in two
Gotta find out what I meant to you
Oh Boy

Gotta find out what I meant to you
Your the one who broke my heart in two
Where were you just when I needed you

You gave me your soul
For at least a day
Listen boy there was a time
When I wanted you to stay

You knew the cost
It’s you who’s gonna pay
I’m stronger now I loved you then
I ask you anyway

You were sweet as cherry pie
Wild as friday night
Sweet as cherry pie
Wild as friday night

Gotta find out what I meant to you
Your the one who broke my heart in two
Where were you just when I needed you
Boy

Gotta find out what I meant to you
Your the one who broke my heart in two
Ooh I needed you

Baa do do do do, do do, baa do do do
Baa do do do do, baa do do do

Baa do do do do, do do, baa do do do
Baa do do do do, baa do do do

You were the only one you were the only one
You’re a son of a gun
You were the only one you were the only one
Oh Boy, you broke my heart

Sweet as cherry pie
Sweet as cherry pie

Gotta find out what I meant to you
Your the one who broke my heart in two
Gotta find out what I meant to you
Oh Boy

Gotta find out what I meant to you
Where were you just when I needed you
Gotta find out what I meant to you
Boy

Doo doop doo doop
Doo doop doo doop
Doo doop doo doop
doo doo doop doop doop
doo doo doop doop doop
Where were you when I needed you

You were the only one you were the only one
ooh, son of a gun
You were the only one
I’m feeling stronger now I loved you then
So I ask you anyway

Gotta find out what I meant to you
(sweet as cherry pie) You broke my heart
(sweet as cherry pie)
Gotta find out what I meant to you
You tease me

You were the only one you were the only one
(as cherry pie)
Son of a gun
You were the only one you were the only one

Anyway, I mentioned yesterday that there was wisdom with being older because I am handling the breakup way better than I would have in my twenties. And in a lot of ways, I am. I was the type to stand in front of his house and call and hang up when he answered the phone over situations like this and I know now that doing things like that are pointless and impede the healing process. However, when you find someone you think you might actually like, and who, amazingly, seems to like you right back, if it doesn’t work out, it still stings, no matter how old you are. A lot of people look at me and assume I have it all together, but right now, I’m floundering. I don’t know how I got through work today. I dragged myself to my Wednesday spin class after work. All day, I kept wondering if he would have stayed if I had done or said different things. Then I get angry at myself for even wallowing and for getting emotionally invested in him because I knew him for all of ONE month. Then I start wondering if I should fold up my tents and call it a day because dating is so aggravating and painful. Then I start thinking that if I put up walls, not only would I keep out pain but I’d keep happiness out too and that isn’t really a good way to live. Life has its peaks and valleys. Closing myself off would only serve to keep me isolated and stagnant. Been there, done that. I will say that it does help to have my cat show me love when she licks my face and friends who listen when I need to talk and reassure me. They don’t all know about this yet, so I’ll be repeating this story for a little bit, but most likely, it’ll hurt less each time I retell it. Once this wound scabs over, then maybe I’ll be more confident about getting back in the game.