Dating and hair

Sorry to leave you all in the lurch the last few days, but I’ve been a busy woman. Summer in New York City means having TONS to do. Tonight I’m heading over to Prospect Park to see Alvin Ailey’s dance troupe for the last performance of its “Celebrate Brooklyn” free performances for the summer. The best thing is that Prospect Park is only two blocks from my house so I won’t have to go very far.

So, anyhoo, to catch up, I did call that guy back right after I posted the last entry of this blog. We have plans for dinner this coming Friday.  I eat out frequently, so it would be easy to assume that I know a tons of places to go. I do, but I’m stumped when it comes to suitable place for a first date. All of the places I have in mind are too intimate or too raucous. I don’t want a place that’s too intimate as I don’t want to give the guy the wrong idea and a raucous place might make it hard for us to talk. He said he’d call back in a few days to firm up plans. I might make him suggest something. Even if nothing comes of the date, I’m glad that I did return his call because I would never have known otherwise.

There’s no question about how I’ll wear my hair on the date, though. Because curly and kinky hair are considered “wild” “frizzy,” and “unattractive” in our society, a lot of women with it feel pressured to straighten their hair in order to attract and keep men because straight hair is regarded as more “sleek” and “sophisticated”. For many years, I did the same thing. Since I went natural,  my perspective on the matter has changed significantly. It’s understandable to want to look your best, but it’s a whole other story to jeopardize your health by applying caustic chemicals to your hair so that it looks “acceptable” and end up with thinning edges, bald spots, respiratory issues and otherwise damaged hair. I met this guy with kinky hair and it’ll stay that way. As I stated last time, any man who is shallow enough to only date someone based on how their hair looks isn’t worth your time. However, due to social conditioning, men as well as women have been taught to dislike hair that isn’t straight. One of the easiest things I can think of to combat this brainwashing is for more naturally curly and kinky haired women to stop straightening their hair and wear their natural hair out loud and proud. Don’t be fooled by all the women with straight hair you may see on the street. Over half of the world’s population has curly hair. Yet because of “straight hair tyranny” (as I call it) many women are pressured to straighten it. Oftentimes, though, changing a part of yourself to please other people leads to increased stress and strife on your part. For instance, in some ways, my relaxed hair was more work as there were so many things I had to do to keep it straight. I had to avoid getting it wet, so I cursed rainy days and outings at the beach or the pool were limited as I often wouldn’t even go in the water. If it was windy, it meant whatever style I had it in got jacked up. And since I have very fine hair, if I got roller sets or had it curled with a curling iron, within hours, my hair would get limp and the curls would disappear, especially on windy, rainy or humid days. Mind you, all that weather happens in New York City about 75% of the time, so my hair was jacked up the majority of the time. These issues have ceased now that I wear it natural.  In hindsight, all of that stress I had trying to conform to an impossible beauty standard for myself wasn’t worth the years of damage I did to my hair.

Another reason that a number of men may dislike curly/kinky hair is because in some circles, women with it are viewed as more independent. Personally, I think of it as a positive trait as you are able to think for yourself and not be swayed by what other people do. However, men who are insecure may view curly/kinky hair as threatening as they don’t think it’s as easy to control. If it weren’t for actual men that are like this, I would find this crazy.

In short, do you. The more confident you are about yourself and your hair, the more men will be attracted to you and the more they will respond accordingly.


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